Breaking the Cycle: Understanding & Healing From Generational Trauma

Hey friends,

I want to talk about generational trauma. This is a silent killer if it isn’t identified and resolved, which is why I am bringing awareness to it. So many of us are walking around with wounds we didn’t create, carrying behaviors we inherited, and living out patterns that started generations before us. But guess what? It can end with us. We're going to break this down today, so grab your tea, coffee, or wine, and let’s dive in, girlfriend.

What Is Generational Trauma?

Generational trauma (also called intergenerational trauma or ancestral trauma) is emotional pain, behavior patterns, or unresolved wounds passed down through families over time. Think of it like an emotional hand-me-down—except instead of your grandma’s vintage pearls, you inherited anxiety, survival mode, or a fear of abandonment. This trauma can come from personal experiences or collective events like slavery, war, displacement, or family dysfunction. Even if you didn’t live through the original experience, the effects can still show up in your mindset, relationships, and nervous system.

Let's look at some examples of generational trauma:

Historical Oppression

Families affected by slavery, colonization, or genocide often carry the emotional aftermath—mistrust, pain, and identity struggles—that still impact future generations. This intergenerational trauma can manifest in various ways, such as mental health challenges, disrupted family dynamics, and a deep sense of loss or displacement.

Family Abuse and Neglect

A parent who never received love or safety may unintentionally raise their kids without it, too. The emotional distance or harsh discipline becomes the “norm,” and the cycle continues. This lack of nurturing can lead to children growing up with low self-esteem, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and an inability to express emotions constructively.

Mental Illness or Addiction

When mental health struggles go untreated in a family, it creates instability, confusion, and emotional wounds that children often carry into adulthood. These children may grow up in environments where unpredictable behavior, emotional volatility, or neglect is common, leading to feelings of insecurity and anxiety. As adults, they might struggle with their own mental health issues or develop unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, to manage their unresolved emotions.

Poverty and Survival Thinking

Maybe your family grew up with very little and taught you to always expect the worst, overwork, or never take risks. This scarcity mindset is trauma in disguise and often results in missed opportunities, as the fear of losing what little is available outweighs the potential benefits of taking calculated risks. Over time, this can stifle creativity, limit personal and professional development, and perpetuate a cycle of poverty.

So...how do I know that I have been affected?

Here are some signs that generational trauma might be playing a role in your life:

• You feel like you’re always bracing for something bad to happen.

• You over-explain or over-apologize, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

• You struggle with boundaries—either you don’t set them, or you feel guilty when you do.

• You’re constantly in survival mode, even when life is okay.

• You notice that certain toxic patterns just keep repeating in your family.

Okay… so how do we break the cycle?

Acknowledge It

The first step is recognizing that what you’re carrying might not be yours alone. That’s not an excuse—it’s insight. And insight is power. By understanding that these patterns have been passed down through generations, you can begin to separate your identity from the trauma and see it as something that can be addressed and changed.

Ask and Try to Understand

If you can, ask your elder family members about their family history with traumas, and try to be understanding of what they were surviving. This doesn’t mean you excuse bad behavior—it means you understand the root, which helps you avoid repeating the same cycles.

Seek Support

Therapy, support groups, or trauma-informed coaching can help you make sense of your patterns and give you tools to heal them. These professional resources provide safe spaces to process emotions and receive expert guidance through your healing journey. Working with trained professionals offers invaluable support as you navigate complex feelings and learn proven strategies for growth and recovery.

Do the Inner Work

This action is very important. Though it isn't your fault that you've inherited trauma from your ancestors, you are still responsible for doing the inner work to be a better person. By acknowledging and working through your inherited trauma, you not only heal yourself but also help break the cycle for future generations.

Reparent Yourself

Reparenting means becoming the supportive, understanding adult you needed when you were young. It's about catching those harsh self-judgments and replacing them with kind, encouraging words. When you make a mistake, instead of criticism, offer yourself the same grace you'd extend to a dear friend or small child. When difficult emotions arise, remind yourself that all feelings are acceptable, even if they're uncomfortable.

Final Thoughts

I'll be honest here, working through and healing from my own generational traumas has been one of the hardest things to do in my life. We're talking about breaking decades of cycles, which is really tough! Unfortunately, it wasn't until after I had hurt those around me like my partners, friends, and even children, that I realized I was repeating some of the things that I had been exposed to as a child. I was handling stressful situations in the only way that I knew how, which wasn't good. I knew that I wanted to be better for myself and my loved ones, so I started putting the work in. Today, I try my hardest to approach my relationships with more awareness, compassion, and intentionality. The work isn't always easy, and there are still moments when old patterns try to resurface, but now I have the tools to recognize them, pause, and choose a different path.

I share this personal experience because I want you to know you're not alone in this struggle. The shame and guilt I carried for perpetuating harmful patterns were heavy burdens, but they also became powerful motivators for change. Through self-reflection and consistent inner work, I am learning that while we can't change our past, we do have the power to reshape our future.

If you're just beginning this journey, know that every step counts, no matter how small. Your commitment to breaking these cycles isn't just healing for you—it's a gift that will ripple through generations to come.