The Truth About Self-Love

Had you asked me about the concept of self-love five years ago, I probably would have said it involves treating yourself to enjoyable activities, such as indulging in a shopping spree or enjoying a lengthy, soothing bubble bath with candles around the tub. While this response remains valid, it is only a fraction of what self-love truly encompasses. In this week's blog post, we will look at what it really means to love and care for yourself, moving beyond the superficial aspects that we are all so familiar with. Together, we’ll explore the definition of self-love, debunk the myths that surround it, and dive into practical, real-life ways to weave self-love into the fabric of your everyday life. By the end of this read, you’ll see self-love not as an occasional indulgence but as a lifestyle of self-acceptance and intentional care.

Let's dive in, girlfriend.

Self-Love Beyond the Surface

At its core, self-love is the act of cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself that’s rooted in compassion, patience, and acceptance. It’s speaking kindly to yourself when you make mistakes, prioritizing your needs without guilt, and believing you are deserving of love and happiness simply because you exist. It's less about “treating yourself” and more about being there for yourself in a deep and authentic way. When you love yourself, you cater to your needs (mental, emotional, and physical) and you choose what best serves your well-being. Sounds pretty simple, so it must be easy, right? Oh, how I wish that were the case. Truth is, self-love can be really difficult for many women, and here's why:

#1. You have to be vulnerable.

In my experience, the first step to loving myself was self-acceptance, and for that, I had to allow myself to be vulnerable. That meant confronting parts of myself that I had buried years ago due to trauma and past failures. I had to break down walls that I'd built to protect myself from people so they wouldn't hurt me. It took a lot of introspection, and it didn't feel great. I mean, who really likes confronting their insecurities and imperfections, right? Being vulnerable forced me to take a hard look at my authentic self, and boy was that a hard thing to do!

#2. It can make you uncomfortable.

Embracing self-love often requires personal growth and change, which can be uncomfortable and daunting for some. This means letting go of your old ways and bad habits and relearning new and healthier behaviors. It can sometimes mean cutting off toxic friendships and relationships that may leave you alone and feeling lonely. All of that can be extremely difficult to do because change is scary for many of us.

#3. You have to put some serious work in.

My self-love season thus far has been a heck of a battle, y'all (insert crying emoji, LOL). It seems like the harder I worked on improving myself, the harder the life challenges hit me. I've had minor bumps in the road of course, but I fought to keep myself from completely backsliding into my old ways. I am still struggling with things that I know are worse for me than good, but I will never give in. I don't want to be the "old Angel" again, so I have to do the necessary work to keep her where she is--in the past.

So as you can see, the bubble baths and facemasks are only the surface level of self-love; this thing goes a loootttt deeper.

Now that you have an understanding of what self-love is, let's take a look at what it is not.

Dispelling the Myths

Self-love is a very popular topic these days, but not everyone is a fan. This may be due to the common myths that some people have about the idea of prioritizing yourself. I want to address some of these misconceptions because I don't want anyone to have the wrong idea about self-love. Here are the most common things I've heard:

• Self-love is selfish - I understand why some people may believe that self-love is selfish. If you are too full of yourself, you may neglect other important people or obligations. However, it is 100 percent possible to love yourself and still allocate time to other things in life. In fact, taking care of yourself allows you to be more present and supportive of others, as you can't be much help to anyone if you are always running on empty. Just as it is with almost everything else in life, there is a wrong and a right way to practice self-love; and when done the proper way, it won't leave yourself or anyone else around you neglected.

• You have to love everything about yourself - This is the one I fell for early in my self-love season. I thought I had to immediately fall in love with myself entirely, including the parts that I didn't like so much. Unfortunately, my attempts only led to disappointment because I realized that forcing myself to love every little thing about my body all at once was just unrealistic, so I focused on self-acceptance and self-compassion instead. This meant accepting the "ugly" parts without harsh judgment and understanding that imperfection is part of being human. After that, my self-love season became a little easier to navigate. I allowed myself the grace to grow and change at my own pace. I learned to appreciate the progress I was making, rather than fixating on the parts of myself I still struggled with. This shift allowed me to appreciate the unique and evolving person I am, which is what loving yourself is about.

• Self-love is a destination - When we talk about self-love, it is referenced as a journey, so naturally one may think there must be a destination that you eventually get to; but that isn't the case. Self-love is a lifelong process that never ends. You don't reach a place of loving yourself "enough" and being done. As long as you are alive, there will always be opportunities to learn, grow, and become a better version of yourself. Understanding that this journey is ongoing will help you focus more on the present moment and the progress you are making, rather than waiting for a final sense of completion.

How to Practice Self-Love in Everyday Life

Practicing self-love doesn’t have to be overwhelming or time-consuming. Start small, and remember: that consistency matters more than perfection. Here are some simple ways to incorporate self-love into your life starting today:

1. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when necessary and protect your time and energy. Boundaries help you create space for what truly matters.

2. Prioritize Rest: Sleep is not a luxury—your body needs it! Allow yourself to rest and take breaks when your body or mind needs them.

3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: When self-criticism creeps in, pause and reframe. Speak to yourself as you would a loved one, with kindness and encouragement.

4. Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge your achievements, big or small. Every step forward is progress, and it deserves recognition!

5. Ask for Help: Self-love includes knowing when you need help from others. Seeking support doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.

6. Do What You Love: Schedule time for activities that bring you joy, whether it’s painting, dancing, gardening, or simply reading a good book.

Takeaway

So...the truth about self-love? It's hard work. It will cause you to break out of your comfort zone. It will make you face your fears and insecurities. It will challenge you to grow and evolve continuously. This journey demands bravery and honesty, as you peel back layers to discover your true self. Yet, with each challenge comes the opportunity for a profound and beautiful transformation; and that's what makes it all worth it, friend.

Remember, self-love is about progress, not perfection. It's about being present with yourself, celebrating your unique journey, and nurturing your well-being with intention and care. As you embark on this path, I hope that you find strength in vulnerability, comfort in self-acceptance, and joy in the simple act of being kind to yourself. Here's to a life filled with love, growth, and endless possibilities.

XOXO,

Angelique